People seem to think if you a Permissive parent (you never say no), if aren’t authoritarian by punishing your children to learn, putting them in timeouts and giving them a small “tap” to learn. How will they ever learn without a good dose of fear and adult rule?
It is actually the “Authoritative” ( not be confused with authoritarian) style of parenting I choose to follow, rather than a permissive, let them do anything style. It’s important that my children feel safe with me and that comes from modelling, setting clear boundaries and being empathic to the children’s needs, you know treating them like a human rather than my belonging.
It was thinking about boundaries in my own life, that I realised that the style of parenting received (the good old traditional slap them to learn) has made me very fearful of setting boundaries with people in my adult life. What I needed to learn was it was ok to say no, it’s ok to be disappointed and sad, and it’s ok to let people down. Instead, I find my self, fearful of letting people down while ultimately making myself totally miserable in some of the choices I have made.
This week I have tried to gain back some control over my life and say no to a situation which has run away with its self. Not just affecting me but my children and the quality of time that I have been able to give them. My mental state has been affected, and I’ve stopped doing all the things I really enjoy due to a lack of emotional space.
Saying no is powerful and ok. I need to show my children that is the case too. I don’t want them to grow up feeling that they have to agree that making other people happy is always the most important thing, even over your own feelings.
Being permissive is just as damaging to a child as being authoritarian. I don’t just say yes to my children, and I have to model that in the rest of my life to. If only for them to learn.
What the experts say about Permissive parenting and being Authoritative
Intro music: Bensound